Principle 5: Stop blaming others for your problems.
It’s a lot easier to blame someone else for your pain and problems than it is to take responsibility for your part in the situation. There are times when people are hurt or abused and it had nothing to do with their choices. But even then, refusing to forgive and stop blaming someone else never changes us for the better.
The truth is, if you’re stuck in a mindset of “It’s so unfair and they owe me” or “I’m this way because of what they did to me,” then you’re actually creating part of the problem. And you may even be placing blame on others who have nothing to do with the reason you’re wounded.
Joyce shares a personal story that illustrates this well:
“I remember a time many years ago when I thought all of my problems were caused by other people or circumstances I couldn’t control. One day I was praying aggressively for God to change my husband, Dave. I was giving it everything I had, crying out for God to ‘fix’ him, and in my heart I heard Him say, ‘Excuse Me, Joyce, but Dave is not the problem.’
"My next thought was, Well, then who is? It’s just me and him in this relationship. For the next two days, God showed me what it was like to live with me…and I cried for two days. It was so hard! I had a long way to go to be free of the hurt in my heart and the wrong behavior I had lived with for so long. But it was the beginning of my journey to experiencing the freedom I enjoy today.
"One of the first things I had to understand was I had to stop blaming everybody else, stop looking at what was wrong with other people and start taking responsibility for my attitudes and behavior. It’s amazing how easy it is for us to point out what’s wrong with others while we totally ignore the issue in our own lives.
"The truth is, no matter what’s wrong with everybody else, you can’t change them. Only God can do that. You can choose to cooperate with the Holy Spirit and let Him change the things in your heart that need to be changed. But you have to be willing to face the truth about yourself and deal with the issues He reveals that are causing your problems.”
Do you relate to this? Are you ready to quit playing the “blame game” and trust God to be your vindicator? If your answer is “YES!” then pray something like this…
God, it’s a fact that I didn’t cause some of the wounds in my soul, but the truth is, if I will trust You and do my best to let go of the blame in my heart toward others, then You can give me grace to have a right mindset and attitude. I don’t want to be a hindrance in my journey to healing. Please reveal any blaming attitudes in my heart and help me totally release them to You.
Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back from pursuing a more intimate personal relationship with God and making progress in your journey to total healing in your soul. Instead, make this your daily goal:
[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection…and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death… — Philippians 3:10 (AMPC)
- Take a close look at this verse and note the specific terms that describe Paul’s desire. For example, he was determined and realized his relationship with God was a progressive journey.
- Consider things like this: What does it mean to become more deeply and intimately acquainted with God? Follow this train of thought and study throughout the verse.
- Think of ways you can draw closer to God and “progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him.” Make a plan of take action and remember: Small steps are important and they add up to big changes over time. Consistency is key!
