If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say…

Children are sometimes taught to count to 10 before they speak if they can’t think of something nice to say, and I’m inclined to agree!

Timing is extremely important in good communication. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says there’s a time to speak and a time to be silent. There’s a time to talk about a problem and a time to leave it alone. I learned early on that one of the most spiritual things I could do is keep my mouth shut.

Now, this doesn’t mean you should never talk about an issue, but you should look for the right time to discuss the topic if you want to be well-received.

Some things are practical. For instance, if I have something to work out with Dave, I’ve learned it’s best to not discuss a problem when I’m upset, tired, or worn-out. It’s also important to evaluate where people are. Are they tired, worn-out, or upset? If so, it’s probably not the best time to talk.

It’s good to approach these matters when our emotions have had a chance to stabilize and when we feel mentally and physically up to addressing the issue in a loving way. It’s also very important to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and trust Him to open up the right moment to confront an issue or express your needs.

From my experience, people can get into trouble two ways: They can be too quick to address every issue, or they can also be too silent and never speak up.

I have always been the type of person to address everything immediately and sort out an issue as soon as I notice it. I don’t have a problem confronting someone about our differences.

However, people who are quick to confront often get themselves into a lot of trouble just by barreling into issues without waiting for God’s timing. People with strong personalities (like mine) are usually quick to tell everyone else how something should be done, and that leads to problems.

On the other hand, some people are such peace lovers that they will do anything to keep from causing a disturbance, even by allowing things to continue that they know God is telling them to deal with.

Jesus should be our example. We are to imitate His gentleness and meekness, yet still deal with whatever needs to be solved.

The older I get, the more I can say that I rely on the Lord to help lead me and guide me in this area—and He will do the same for you. As you seek Him, He will help you to know when to speak and when to be silent.