Let Go of People-Pleasing

Do you ever give up your own happiness in an effort to keep others happy and pleased with you? Have you ever said yes to someone in order to please them when everything inside of you is screaming no?

The more we need the approval of other people, the more likely we are to live an unhappy and dissatisfied life. The truth is, we should never sacrifice our own happiness and authenticity to gain the approval of other people. We should believe that God approves of us, and we should approve of ourselves.

Now, I’m not saying we should have a belligerent, rebellious attitude that says, “I don’t care what you think, and I don’t care what you do!” The Bible actually tells us to serve one another (1 Peter 4:10; Mark 10:44). But the Word also instructs us to not be people pleasers at the expense of pleasing God and staying true to ourselves (Acts 5:29).

Being a people pleaser was something I struggled with for years, even when it came to seemingly little things. For instance, when Dave and I shop together for clothes for me, he often wants me to buy something that he likes on me but that I don’t like. I used to purchase those items just to please him, but I ended up never wearing them. He wasn’t trying to control me, but I let the fear of his disapproval control my decisions. Interestingly, I started to notice that when I liked something on him and he didn’t like it, he didn’t buy it. Now if I don’t like something he wants me to wear, I respectfully say, “No, I don’t like how it looks on me.” When I stay true to myself and refuse to let others’ disapproval control my choices, I have a lot more joy, and so will you!

Here’s another example. Maybe this Saturday you’re planning to finish several projects you’ve been putting off for a long time. Then a friend calls and asks if you can babysit her three children so she and her husband can take a short weekend trip. Your heart sinks when you hear the request, because this particular friend usually expresses her disapproval when she doesn’t get her way. Will you forget your plans and say yes simply to please her? Or will you be bold and say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t because I already have other plans”?

She will probably ask what the plans are, and getting your projects done won’t seem important to her. That is the point where you’ll need to stand your ground, remembering that your projects may not mean anything to her, but they are important to you. She may even become angry or give you the cold shoulder for a while, but don’t give in. Refusing to bow to others’ demands in spite of their negative emotions is the only way for you to begin to establish boundaries and break free from letting others’ desires control you.

At times you may feel that God wants you to change your plans and do something for a friend, but if you always say yes to everyone who asks something of you (even when you don’t sense God leading you to do so), then your life will not be your life. When people genuinely love and care for you, they won’t get angry if you tell them no at times, because a true friend wants you to follow your heart and God’s guidance.

I urge you to find the courage to say no to people when you believe you should. And that all begins with knowing what God says about you in His Word—knowing just how much He loves and approves of you!

_{Adapted from the book Authentically, Uniquely You by Joyce Meyer. Copyright 2021 by Joyce Meyer. Published by FaithWords. All rights reserved.}